In a statement placed on television when the show was on last night, the TV writer hinted to his annoyance at the troubled actor – who is currently undergoing rehabilitation following a 36-hour drink and drugs binge.
It read: "I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night.
"I’ve had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies that reduces stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.
"If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really p****d."